PAIN SERIES..a letter to my ‘friends’

Quick to forget

Slow to reciprocate 

Nice in want

Beautiful in need

Good with words

Pretending not to see the look on your face

Hearing your words but faking your voice

can’t read between lines

Asking you not to mind when in fact, you should

Building walls that seem just like a brick at first

Slowly growing into distance

Even when they’re right beside

We should be solving puzzles together, up to some kind of mischief maybe

Not being the puzzles ourselves 

And making things look way different from what they really are

Because in this case, we are like two different sides of a coin

PAIN SERIES..I wonder what friendship is

I assume everyone is okay with my openness

Or should I say transparency

But then again 

Some call it being mean

Some call it being blunt and some don’t have a name for it

Honest opinions bred grudges

Heartless but mindful comments turned arguments 

Nobody ever said the hurt from truth would kill

At least not for one who appreciates truth

Lies..

Deceit..

Betrayal..

Friendship looks like a facade all of a sudden

More people than we think no longer appreciate friendship and the more we interact as a unit, the more we aim to be better than one another

Ambition isn’t the enemy

Selfishness as painful as it is is 

Envy as ugly as a frown

Growing hatred as deadly as a venom

Ready to inflict pain as prickly as a needle

I wonder what friendship is..

PAIN SERIES..How do I handle pain?

I didn’t sign up for this 

I didn’t sign up a heartbreak

That realisation..

That I wasn’t enough

I wasn’t doing something right or worse..

I won’t be doing anything right if I continued

I guess nobody ever does

I guess nobody can bear so much 

I guess nobody can outlive such 

I don’t know about starting on a new page

I don’t know about moving on like nothing happened 

I don’t know about seeing better days ahead

But I know about people that stick, they may not fill the void

Because you won’t let them 

its you..you’re the void

That is ;after you let pain form a greater part of your life..

#4…Emotional talk

Mixed feelings..Hidden thoughts, buried feelings

Setting myself up and falling for the wrong guy was all I lived my life avoiding 

Those memories I’d like to keep

For some reason, I don’t think I’d change much if I’m to relive those days

Or anything at all

Cause I’d rather we date now than then but I guess..it depends 

I got tired of being optimistic about a lot recently 

And I don’t think much has changed except I have a reason to be happy 

If not for anything but for myself, you make me happy

I just wanted to know how it’d be to have a crush as a friend, at least that was what I 

thought it was at first but when I noticed at that time it was beyond a year, I got scared, told friends and said everything except what I truly hoped for deep down.

I don’t have reasons to keep hoping

But I have a reason to keep looking at you this way

Love seems too small a word now

But basically it’s a big word, I wasn’t used to saying it cause I wanted to believe it was still a crush

Recently…

Daring myself

Living out of my head

Feeling swamped by how I want to live and how I am actually living 

From both angles one thing is constant

Love…

#3..Emotional talk

That bitter sweet taste

A love I saw and wanted and lived

I felt like it was you and I against the world

But all this while you’ve been feeding the world with lies

I should have restrained myself from confronting you but that was never the plan

I felt there was so much to fight for but more to fight over

If only you listened, if only you got a feel or even understood my eyes

You’d know that none of these was ever a game

And what I felt for you had a name; LOVE

#2..Emotional talk

I chose to see through her eyes

Take her for what she supposedly stood for

Admired her words

Watched her grow out of our relationship 

Felt like my heart was gonna shatter

If I faced the truth

A busy schedule, she always claimed

A lovely time I proposed we’d have

But the words I admired turned excuses and the love I worshipped turned into a curse

Lies became inevitable for her and doubt rested with me while I lay

#Emotional talk…Premiere

Arguing into the next day had become our thing

Not like I wanted it that way but I couldn’t just overlook the rumors

Bitterness at heart poured out as rage

I’d look back at the person I thought I’d be when we started

But it was so obvious 

Obvious something had changed;or perhaps someone

I chose to believe he changed me

But…

Every fight I engineered 

Every might I put into making him look bad

And even began to predict what and when he’d react

To me, confidence was a curse

I was so sure about everything that I didn’t know when to stop

His love, his silence, the sacrifices 

I felt my attitude deserved some praise

But at the same time those who knew how to bounce back without exchanging harsh words 

Changes, choices,chances

I had named and made them all

For two people

For too long 

Maybe it’s time to stop talking and start walking 

Love would eventually take me home

THE SUMMIT

Dear reader,..

 Learn in the little daily things of life

Take joy wherever you go

Shed a little sunshine in the heart of one

Think of the wonders of revelation still to be seen

Laugh

Do not weigh your spirits down with sorrows

In all things seek simplicity

Expect not a miracle but many

Look on each difficulty as training to enable you to acquire this peace

Say many times “All things are possible

Above all be happy

Psalms 121 vs 8

                                                                     Tolani.

A short message for you; this December 

A small

Yet satisfying world

Breathing in every heartache

Hoping to exhale freedom

I can’t say I wasn’t warned

Or didn’t learn from all of it

I lost myself in someone else’s world

The biggest loss any man can experience emotionally is that of self

Some call life a lonely pathway

Others a crowded place

Wonder which is true

I guess it’s our doing sometimes

Occupying each second,minute, day, week and year with the wrong people and things

Running away from things we should face…nursing a fobia for crowd

Forgetting that the most important thing is to live a life worthy of oneself

Where every person is the centre of his/her universe

No mortal being should come before you

Some call it self love, I call it self prioritization

Take out time to put yourself first at least once this holiday

And see, if that tear you once shed won’t become a thousand reasons to smile for what’s coming

Put on a smile; the best makeup 

Stay hopeful.

Stay happy..

Chaldeans

I don’t believe they didn’t concour to what the king said at first in the book of DANIEL

They just wanted to play dumb to buy time like he(the king) said

They must have felt they had revelations at the palm of their hands 

How esteemed they must have been in their community

The king somewhat accepted them as a possible source of interpretation 

I like this king because he had a reward for whoever was going to translate his dream

And also had a punishment for whoever wasn’t living up to expectations 

Expectations…

Somewhat encouragements and many at times, hindrances 

I think they are limiting

They limit thanksgiving

Many of us say our prayers haven’t been answered because our expectations haven’t been met.

And..

They also overestimate people

Have you ever gotten so much less from someone’s personality than you expected?

Very recently I’d say

More often than not

Daniel wasn’t interested in meeting expectations 

He just wanted God’s will to be done 

It wasn’t about him at all

It wasn’t about anyone else

Everything we do for the kingdom shouldn’t be for anyone 

Or about saving people like the Chaldeans

It should be about the message; what kind of information does your lifestyle transmit?

What can God entrust you with?

That’s what’s really important